Narcissistic abuse coaching
Some relational environments, whether in childhood, family systems, or intimate partnerships, train the nervous system to remain in a state of threat.
Nothing feels good enough, and there’s always a state of low-grade tension.
Over time, this disrupts emotional stability, trust, and the ability to feel safe in connection — any connection — even if the relationship ended and you are now dating someone else, or thinking about doing so.
Abusive relationships of any kind change brain chemistry. This can also happen when you grow up in families marked by emotional neglect or controlling dynamics.
The impact is often subtle but persistent: difficulty relaxing, impaired focus, heightened self-criticism, and a sense that closeness always comes with a price. Feeling lonely amongst people, or not feeling enough despite doing well enough.
What this work addresses
Rather than focusing on labels, this work focuses on the patterns that develop under prolonged relational stress, such as:
Chronic self-monitoring and over-responsibility: “Am I doing enough?” or “Why am I always the one who tries to change things?”
Difficulty tolerating rejection or relational rupture: “If X person doesn’t like me, I don’t feel like I’m truly worth it. Their acceptance is more important than anyone else’s.”
Guilt or fear around setting limits: “I find it really difficult to say no, even if I feel a lot of resentment later for not doing so.”
Persistent inner criticism: “I can always do better, and there are people who do better than me anyway.”
Emotional dysregulation under closeness or conflict: “I don’t know how to deal with confrontation. I also freak out when someone gets very close. I either get very anxious or I shut down.”
Staying busy or focused on others to avoid internal discomfort: “I find it hard to relax, even though I can tell it’s taking a toll on my health. There’s always something new to learn or to do. It feels almost illegal to just sit around doing nothing.”
These are not character flaws.
They are adaptive responses learned in environments where, in order to stay safe emotionally or physically, you had to be hypervigilant, hypercritical, and somewhat disconnected from what was actually going on.
A structured approach to recovery
My work is a structured, attachment-informed coaching process designed to restore internal stability, clarity, and secure relating, so you can live your life on your own terms and have more autonomy over your decisions and how you feel.
The process unfolds in three phases:
1. Stabilization
We focus on establishing a reliable sense of internal safety and regulation.
This includes learning how to work with the inner critic rather than being driven by it, and reducing the sense of constant internal pressure or vigilance.
2. Exploration
Once emotional regulation is more consistent, we explore the relational and attachment patterns that developed under stress.
This phase emphasizes awareness and choice — understanding motivations and responses without retraumatization, so decisions come from strength rather than learned survival strategies.
3. Connection
We focus on how early and later relational experiences shaped expectations of closeness, boundaries, and reciprocity.
Through a boundaried, therapeutic relationship, clients experience secure relating directly — an experience that can then be carried into personal, family, and professional relationships.
Methods and orientation
My approach integrates elements from:
These methods are used selectively and intentionally, in service of regulation, insight, and relational stability.
Who this work is for
This work is best suited for people who are functional in daily life, but at a great cost. They might find it hard to relax, find it difficult to say no, speak kindly to themselves, are rather motivated by self-criticism than kindness, and have difficulties finding relationships that truly nourish them.
It may be a good fit if:
You recently ended a relationship or a family dynamic and want to break a pattern or receive deep emotional support, and are unsure what to do next
You rationally “know what to do,” but something gets in the way
Closeness is hard, whether it’s because you don’t believe the other person is trustworthy and you shut down, or because relationships trigger self-criticism and fears of abandonment
You want a clear path, tailored to your goals and informed by clinical practices and evidence-based modalities
The narcissistic abuse coaching program is designed for people who are ready to do the work in a deep way, while being met with a supportive environment that helps them at every step of the way.
Next steps
If you’re considering this work but are unsure what to do next, feel free to complete this form so we can learn whether we are a good fit for each other. Due to the nature of this coaching, I work with a limited number of clients and prioritize good fit and goal compatibility so my clients get the best results.
You can learn more about my background and current rates here.